The Covert Narcissist: The Sinister Being Lurking Beneath the Mask
The “Nice” Narcissist
The covert narcissist’s abusive behavior can go unrecognized and undetected for years because they are nice to everyone around them- except you.
So why did they choose to single YOU out for their abuse?
The covert narcissist feels threatened by you.
Whether it is your authenticity, empathy, intelligence, accolades, ability to relate to others and/or ability to readily establish relationships without the need for manipulation - they loathe it.
Furthermore, the covert narcissist(s) knows that:
You see them for the monster they truly are.
Whether you spotlighted their malevolent behavior or called them out on the abuse they knowingly inflicted on you, you exposed the fragile core identity they work tirelessly to cloak on a daily basis.
In fact, an early clue you are dealing with a covert narcissist is that:
They will gaslight and blame shift their way out of an apology.
An emotionally healthy person apologizes when they have done something wrong or realizes they have hurt you.
The covert narcissist reacts to your hurt and concerns with annoyance and resentment. They will employ the classic lines of:
“That never happened.”
“I never said that.”
“You are imagining things.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“How could you think I am capable of such a thing?!”
In order to deflect from the shame and insecurity they are experiencing in YOUR moment of hurt, they react with the above statements to assuage their fragile ego.
By shifting the sentiment of shame onto you, they wash their hands clean of any culpability and accountability. They also use this perceived “attack” to their ego as an opportunity to vengefully plot against and systematically destroy you.
The covert narcissist will weaponize your vulnerabilities against you and embark on a smear campaign to discredit your character and sanity with the goal of provoking reactive abuse.
They do all of this to prove to others (and falsely reassure themselves) that YOU are the problem.
Sound familiar?
The Flying Monkey, MD is here to help!
The Narcissist’s Prayer
That didn’t happen
..and if it did, it wasn’t that bad
..and if it was, that’s not a big deal
..and if it is, that’s not my fault
..and if it was, I didn’t mean it
..and if I did, YOU DESERVED IT.
DAYNA CRAIG
Understanding the Covert Narcissist: The Abuser that Hides in Plain Sight
If you’re trying to understand covert narcissism, you’re not alone. Research suggests that 1 in 6 people display narcissistic traits—but when covert narcissists are included, the prevalence may be closer to 1 in 4. Many people encounter covert narcissists without realizing it, because these individuals are exceptionally skilled at masking their true nature within society.
A covert narcissist may appear as the thoughtful coworker who brings cake for every birthday, the devoted church member organizing charity drives or the “friend” who repeatedly makes self‑deprecating remarks to gain reassurance.
They are not the loud, arrogant, “LOOK AT ME!” personality most people associate with narcissism.
Often referred to as “wolves in sheep’s clothing,” covert narcissists are far more damaging than that. Their abuse is subtle, calculated and deeply destabilizing—an insidious form of abuse that is multilevel attack on the mind, psyche, body and soul.
Their sinister core emerges when you are happy, when you receive attention they believe they are entitled to or when you attain important milestones in your life. Over time, this hidden manipulation erodes your confidence, distorts your reality, exhausts your nervous system and leaves lasting emotional and psychological scars.
Dr. Z’s mission is to help you IDENTIFY, MANAGE, WALK AWAY, and HEAL from covert narcissists and the profound emotional abuse they inflict. Learn how to recognize the warning signs, protect yourself from manipulation, and begin true healing—mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
